heaven

Portugal? Really? WTF?

A few months ago, my friend Tracy called to tell me that she and her wife were moving to France. Just like that. They'd made the decision and were doing it. Something clicked for me right then and there. What's happening right now in this country is frightening. And it feels unsafe, even for an old, white, gay guy. Yup, it’s time to act.

For decades, I've dreamed of moving to Scotland after retiring. It's hands down one of my favorite places on the planet. I fell in love with it the moment my plane first touched down in Edinburgh. There's a connection I don't really understand… I’ve always felt like I could just breathe there. But the truth is that it’s just too expensive. I don't have a hoard of gold buried in the backyard. I need to find somewhere that I can be comfortable, if not rich. Scotland just isn't it.

So I started researching. Portugal kept coming up. Peaceful - it's #7 on the Global Peace Index, while the US lands at #132. Affordable at about half the cost of living in Portland. Low barriers to entry. Ideally located on the edge of Europe. I'd been there once, years ago: A cycling trip from Lisbon up the coast to Porto, then across through the Duoro Valley. I remembered the light, the coast, the hills, the festivals, the rhythm of the place. That same feeling of being able to breathe.

Here, I spend way too much time being angry. The politics, chaos, and conflict. The “othering” of each other. I don’t feel like it’s going to change. We're always less than four years away from the next election and more insanity. And no matter who wins, half the country will still be just as crazy. And Portland's changed in the last 30-odd years. I don't belong here anymore.

I can feel it bleeding into the work. The anxiety. The distraction. I go out to shoot and I'm carrying all of it with me - the anger, the worry, the noise, the fear. Photography is supposed to pull me out of dark places, but lately I've been dragging the darkness along.

I hope moving to Portugal will change that. Being somewhere I actually want to be… somewhere that feels like home in a way Portland hasn't in years, will quiet things down enough that I can focus on the work. New cities, new light, new rhythms - but more than that, a new version of myself. I want the work to grow. I want it to reflect something other than exhaustion and dread.

I need to believe that starting over somewhere - truly starting over, not just taking a trip - will let me make images that feel like possibility instead of escape.

So yeah. Portugal. We're doing this.